


give you my wild (give you a child)

by NeverMessWithTeddyBears



Category: Life (US TV 2007)
Genre: Adoption, F/M, Foster Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28029696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverMessWithTeddyBears/pseuds/NeverMessWithTeddyBears
Summary: The orange grove somehow seems both yesterday and a year ago at the same time. But Dani looks at Crews, squeezes his hand, feels her leg slow down, and thinks, "Maybe I'll be alright."
Relationships: Charlie Crews & Dani Reese, Charlie Crews/Dani Reese
Kudos: 5





	give you my wild (give you a child)

Dani watches Crews looking up at the sky, the sun blinding him as it shines down on his face, and suddenly she's transported back to that very first day, back to calling his name and him turning around, at the same time instantly making her life better and worse but definitely changing it.

Dani often wondered how much he had missed it; the fresh air, the sun on his face, the breeze in his hair. How much he could still miss it after two years out, how much it could actually mean when he's still eating as much fruit, still quoting as much Zen, as if he needs it out as much as he needed it inside, if not more. Remembering the time he's lost, Dani remembers why he lost it. Remembers the reports she read on his friend and his family and the way their blood covered the apartment. Then, she remembers her father, and how he knew more than he ever said - especially to her - and remembers how much Crews tried not to hurt her even when her father hurt him. Dani remembers her father is dead, and that somehow it has both no meaning and so much meaning at the same time.

She looks at Crews, the car approaching him. Bodner's voice fills the space of the car but she can't make it out, can only focus on Crews, on him being alive, on Roman being dead, on being free but also still being just as shackled with questions.

Maybe there are different kinds of freedom. That's probably in line with Crews' Zen.

Dani barely waits for the car to stop before she's out and running to Crews, and she can't tell whose hands find who first but the next thing she can process is the hardness of his chest as his head nears hers, and safety and calm and the smell of him that grounds her.

She touches him, makes up for not being able to do it before. A hand on his chest, a hand in his own, a hand in his hair to get rid of the dirt, a hand on his cheek as she looks into his eyes, a hand on his shoulder as they convince each other they're okay.

Dani doesn't allow herself to think too deeply on it, yet. All she has now is time.

* * *

Tidwell is strangely quiet when he brings her the box of her things, leaving it on the counter of her apartment. She never gave him a key, but he gave her one so Dani places it in his palm as she pushes the box of his things with her foot to the door. There isn't much there - they stayed at his place more often for a reason, she still paid her rent for a reason, there's always a reason for her to find - but it still feels like too much. Dani wonders why that is; why even a single shirt and a toothbrush and some underwear could feel so wrong to look at, even if this was a man she liked? How does anything even feel right?

Her mind wanders to the extra toothbrush she still now has in her bathroom, thinks of Crews' shirt in the laundry that he left when he changed yesterday after driving her home from their last debrief where they got cleared for work, how she never even questioned the simplicity with which a shirt was here for him to change into, the routine of watching him change though she has never even kissed him let alone done more, the domesticity of putting his shirt with hers and turning on the washing machine.

Perhaps that's how it feels.

"I'm sorry." Tidwell says and Dani wishes he didn't. The apology doesn't fit. She doesn't want it. But it's something he needs, so she lets him have it. Feels like she might owe him. "That it didn't work out."

"Yeah." she says. "Me too." Dani wonders if she should say something more, feels somehow responsible because all these weeks it was only him putting in the effort and her pushing away, gone longer than she realized. Decides against it. "See you at work."

And that's that.

* * *

She has a close call with a bullet and a building's edge on a case six months later, Bobby's clear shot and Crews' hands around her waist ensuring she doesn't end up a pancake on the pavement below.

He doesn't let go until she's sitting down in an ambulance, per his insistence, and she marvels at the calm of her hands until she notices the way her left leg is shaking at a speed she didn't think possible. When she looks up at Crews, his eyes soften but his shoulders are tense. His arms are crossed on his chest, and she looks him over before raising a hand to pull on his jacket. Crews uncrosses his arms (she notices his hands shake, tries to convince herself it's the shivers from a cold night dropping; but then again, Crews never shivers) and Crews takes the hand holding his jacket into one of his own.

The orange grove somehow seems both yesterday and a year ago at the same time. But Dani looks at Crews, squeezes his hand, feels her leg slow down, and thinks, _Maybe I'll be alright._

* * *

"You almost fell and I-"

"I know."

Crews doesn't look away from her. The room is empty but for them, locked and the blinds drawn for privacy. She waited for this, could see it was bothering him the past week, simmering under his skin. "Dani." it's soft and quiet and raw, almost like a prayer, and she can barely catch it, could barely hear it, and quick as a fox he's crossed the space between them and pulled her into a kiss, deep and needy and desperate, and Dani can feel herself melting against him, pushing at him to pull him even closer.

He parts from her when he can no longer breathe and she follows him on an instinct she didn't know she had, but he moves his head to the side, their cheeks touching. "I can't lose you, Dani." It's that same whisper again, stripped down and from his bones.

Dani puts a hand on his cheek, closes her eyes. "You won't."

She doesn't know when she started making promises she couldn't know for certain she could keep. But maybe she'd only ever make them to Charlie.

* * *

They're lying in bed with only the Egyptian cotton sheets around them, and Dani looks up at him from where she's lying against his chest. Charlie places a kiss on her forehead.

"I need you to know." Dani starts, nervous. She's not used to these feelings, not used to using her words to express them, not used to being this open and honest. "I don't think I can give you everything you want."

Charlie's eyes look at her, soft but confused. "Dani-"

"You said once you wanted kids. That you and Jennifer were trying." Dani continues before she loses her nerve, before she tries to cover it up with another subject. "But I _can't_... I can't have children, Charlie." It's strange, finally saying it out loud for the first time in years. She felt like she could've almost forgotten her doctor's words all those years ago, her mother's soft cries when she thought Dani couldn't see. But you don't forget something like this. "No matter how much I would want to."

Confusion leaves his eyes and there's only this adoration that she's both so used to seeing as well as always surprised to see. Love pours out of his eyes whenever he looks at her, and sometimes Dani worries someone at work will see, that someone will suspect. They keep putting off going to HR for different reasons they make up along the way, but Dani knows they're both not ready to face the possibility of getting split up as partners; want to go to Tidwell first and ensure it doesn't happen. Dani wonders if people can tell how much she loves him from the way she looks at him. In her secret moments, she looks at herself in the mirror and finds it so obvious, so clear, that it hurts.

Charlie kisses the top of her head. "There's more than one way to have kids, Dani." he says, and Dani thinks she wants to spend the rest of her life with him right now. Isn't scared by the idea of it. "It won't matter less to me."

She looks down as tears suddenly fill her eyes and doesn't let them fall, kissing his chest instead.

Dani didn't think she'd feel so much relief.

* * *

"Ma'am, these are the detectives covering your father's case, Crews and..." Bobby pauses, looking confusedly at them, then at the victim's daughter, then back at the wedding bands on their hands, then back up at Charlie and Dani. "Crews? Detectives Crews? Hyphenated?" Bobby looks at Charlie, "You take her last name? It feels like something you'd do."

Dani rolls her eyes. "I'm Detective Reese." She introduces herself, the victim's daughter shaking her hand softly. "This is my partner Detective Crews."

Crews smiles, "We just have to ask you a few questions about your father." He shows her to the interview room, and as they turn to leave he gives Bobby one last look. "Excuse Officer Stark, here."

* * *

Charlie Skypes with Rachel on Wednesdays, and somehow Dani ended up having standing dates with her on Saturdays. She's not sure how to trace it back to the beginning - back to before she and Crews even slept together, before she ever proposed, before they got married and her name changed legally but not professionally, for practicality's sake. It's months of hours-long conversations, of her lying on the new bought couch or the bed or sitting outside in the sun as Rachel lounges around her Paris apartment, occasionally sending regards to and from one of her three roommates, walking down the Siene, drinking coffee at a small corner café, talking about her classes at Sorbonne and when she's making another trip home.

Dani never expected to have that relationship, almost wasn't ready for the feelings of affection that wormed their way into her chest and bones, ones she never had before; maternal instincts, protective ones, perhaps strange to have over someone she's barely a decade older than, but ones she has nonetheless.

In the background of one Skype sessions, she hears Camille - Rachel's roommate - say, "Say hello to your _maman_ for me." and Rachel doesn't correct her.

Dani holds back a smile. But it gets her thinking.

* * *

They get a fostering license first and then an adoption one. Go to all the classes and support groups, buy all the books and read them - or, Dani's certain Charlie does, at least - and soon enough there's a social worker knocking on their door with a six year old girl holding one hand, as her other hand holds a two year old toddler next to her breast.

Dani's heart breaks and mends right in that moment, right there in front of the open door, and she can feel Charlie's hold on her waist tightening before he lets go, crouching down to the little girl's height, speaks to her almost like a grown-up. Makes fun of Dani, as per usual. Makes Vanessa laugh.

Dani approaches little Henry carefully, can't stop the smile spreading on her face as he smiles up at her. " _Azizam_." she says, heart swelling, the term of endearment slipping off her tongue so easily, reminding her of her own mother, returning her to her childhood. When she takes Henry into her arms and settles him, she looks down at Vanessa. "I'm so glad to meet you, _khoshgelam_."

Dani moves closer to Charlie, and his hand goes back around her waist as he plays with Henry, speaking to him softly.

She thinks she could get used to this.

* * *

Dani feels Charlie look over her shoulder as he dries his hands, having washed them away from the cooking he's done. Henry is in his seat eating some sliced fruit and Vanessa has barely left Rachel's side since she met her, enamored with who she called her older sister as soon as she walked through the door.

Charlie reads the few lines on the papers, skimming them, as Dani just looks at Rachel, confused only because she doesn't want to hope. Dani can feel Charlie tense, can sense that he's not sure what to say or do, and Dani feels like she sometimes does when she's with the two of them; like they're both spooked animals trying not to spook each other, and being deathly afraid that they'd fail, which causes them to either lash out (Rachel) or retreat (Charlie).

Dani brings a hand back and rubs it on Charlie's leg, hoping the contact would soothe him.

"Rach," Dani starts carefully. "Are you sure about this?"

Rachel looks down at Vanessa as she replies, "I know it doesn't really make a lot of sense." She says, shrugging. "I'm old enough to drink, I'm capable of being by myself. I don't even need guardians, let alone _parents_." Charlie puts his hands on Dani's shoulders at the word and she can feel his nervous energy almost trickle through her, but she tries to send him some reassurance instead, so she gently pats one of the hands on her shoulder, covering it with her own and squeezing. "But I want this." Rachel finally looks up at them again and she's crying. Before Dani can react, Charlie's already on the other side of the kitchen island, hugging Rachel - Vanessa between them, giggling - and gently placing a comforting hand on her neck as she nuzzles into the hug.

Dani smiles at the sight, at her _family_ , and looks back down at the adult adoption papers. Asks, "Where did I out my pen?"


End file.
